Soap is not a condiment
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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