I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
