So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
