I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
