Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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