whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She bit a glass in half.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
