I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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