I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
