Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
