I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
