last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my being single is dangerous.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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