if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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