Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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