dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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