: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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