he wants to bone in the snuggie
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
