took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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