Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
