I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize