do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
