Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
