I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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