I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize