1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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