Heybabeimwearingurpanties
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
