I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize