anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
