I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
