Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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