If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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