I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have post one night stand depression
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