You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Panties = found
Randomize
