You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
