Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
