just come out here and I will go home with you...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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