I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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