yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
