Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
