she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Randomize
