I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
