The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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