I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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