ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
