How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
