Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
