you guys were way drunker than both of me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
