found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
