I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
