plz talk dirty to me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
