the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
