I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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