So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
