im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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