i think my tv is drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
