who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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