Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
