True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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