Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
