Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
