it's too hot outside to masturbate.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
