i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
