my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
