Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
