Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
