as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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