Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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