Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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