in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
