I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need a burrito and a hug.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
