I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
