I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
